so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
