i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
