the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
