I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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