I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
