First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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