I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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