I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
