Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
