If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
