We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
