Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
