My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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