im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Two words: blizzard sex
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize