I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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