oh fat girl friday strikes again...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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