you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
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Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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