I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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