I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just cropdusted the office
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
