she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
