oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
