Im at strip club and am horny
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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