Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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