Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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