Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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