This is not my ceiling
please come you make the beer taste better
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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