remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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