It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
