Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
