Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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