I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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