i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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