Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
