he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
