areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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