I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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