Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
