It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
