Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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