I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
