You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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