Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
