And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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