we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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