Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
