if you like me you must not know who I am
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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