it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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