while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
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Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
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I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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