Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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