I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
