So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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