You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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