He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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