every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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