i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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