i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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