i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
