Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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