U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
