We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
