shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
