its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
