it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize