at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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