I love black thongs
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
