Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
