I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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