He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
ttyl tear gas
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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