I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
