i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
