Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
