God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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