i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
