My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
two words: eviction party
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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