I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.