what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize