I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
